


Play it again SAM

by INFJgamer, Roann



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 23:34:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14725712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INFJgamer/pseuds/INFJgamer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roann/pseuds/Roann
Summary: Peebee delights in inflicting earworms on the human members of the crew.





	Play it again SAM

**Author's Note:**

> On the 22nd of May 2017 I published my first fan fic on AO3. It was a one shot called “The Fibonacci distraction” one year and tens of thousands of words later here I am. I figured I’d go back to my one shot origins to celebrate. While I had an idea of what I wanted to do I needed a little bit of help. 
> 
> I needed an actual Glaswegian to be precise. Luckily Roann was willing to oblige and thought “It was good fun pitching in.”
> 
> With all apologies to Flight of the Conchords, Placebo, Mel Tillis, Dean Martin, Beyoncé, Queen and Black Lace. We would also like to apologise if you have any of the songs from this fic stuck in your head. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.

“Ewwww!  So they have actually worms the their ears?” Peebee was utterly repulsed.

 

“Goddess no.”  Chuckled Lexi “It’s just a term humans coined to explain that a song has gotten stuck in their head.  Remember when Vetra and Gil played that drinking game at the Christmas party? That’s what they were doing, getting songs stuck in people’s heads.”

 

A mischievous master plan was forming in Peebee’s mind “So if I got SAM to play them something, it could get stuck in their head and they’d start singing it?”

 

“Yes, it’s possible.  Some are more susceptible than others.” Lexi wondered if she was going to regret explaining earworms to Peebee.

 

As Peebee headed off to cause havoc she called over her shoulder “Do you think it works on Geth?”

 

“Peebee, if you make Prospero sing _ “The humans are dead” _ so help me Goddess, I’ll jettison you out of the airlock myself!” Scolded Lexi.  

 

Ellis was tinkering in the armoury, fitting Suvi’s pistol with a new grip.  Who better to test the earworms theory out on than the good doctor’s bondmate “Surprise me SAM.”

 

Peebee didn’t recognise the song, but clearly Ellis did and began to sing “Every step we took that synchronized   
Every broken bone   
Reminds me of the second time   
That I followed you home   
You showered me with lullabies   
Had you walking away   
Reminds me that its killing time   
On this fateful day”

 

Peebee’s next victim was Suvi.  The unsuspecting Scot was brewing tea in the galley.  “Hey SAM play me a song. Preferable a less depressing one.”

 

Ruby don’t take your love to town played in the galley.  Peebee rolled her eyes and thought  _ “Really SAM!  This is your idea of less depressing?” _

 

The original song told the tale of an injured soldier pleading with his love not to cheat on him.  Suvi began to hum along then started to sing along. There was just one small problem, Suvi’s rendition sounded nothing like the version that Peebee knew.  Particularly when the doctor belted out “Don’t take your knickers down!”

  
  


Peebee feigned disgust “Doctor Anwar!  Where did you learn such foul language?”

 

“Shut it ya bawbag.” Teased Suvi.

 

Peebee typed the word into her omnitool “Eww!  I don’t know wether to be impressed or repulsed by that.  So, basically the Scottish have a separate language just for swearing?”

 

“A bit of column A and a bit of column B.  And yeah pretty much.” She replied between sips of tea.

 

Peebee wandered off in search of Ryder “Oh I know SAM, play the song Ryder associates the most with Suvi.”

 

“As you wish.  Playing Beyoncé.” came the AI’s reply.

 

Peebee was half expecting Single Ladies, but instead, the Pathfinder began to quietly sing “Remember those walls I built   
Well, baby, they're tumbling down   
And they didn't even put up a fight   
They didn't even make a sound”

 

Peebee felt a little awkward hearing Ryder sing something that showed her vulnerability.  If felt like an intrusion, so she left Ryder singing to herself and headed off to find the next person on her hitlist; Cora “SAM play something really cheesy and annoying.”

 

Peebee waited and waited and waited.  Nothing. Cora remained glued to her data pad typing reports and working on ICT training schedules.

 

“Trust Lieutenant Cranky Pants to be immune to earworms.” She huffed.

 

Disappointed, Peebee skulked off in search of her final victim Gil.  The engineer was known for making up his own words to songs. The man loved music, he was forever making up silly songs for his daughter or rewording songs to annoy his colleagues.  “SAM gimme something classic, corny, catchy and well known.”

 

Dean Martin’s  _ That’s Amore _ began to play.  Peebee waited for Gil to work his magic with the lyrics.  He didn’t disappoint. “When you fall through the sky screaming “Oh dear God why?”   
You are Ryder   
Hit the ground with a smack and your visor goes crack   
You are Ryder   
Kett go pew bang-a-bang-a-boom, bang-a-bang-a-boom   
And you yell “Fuck my life!”   
Hearts will play lick-a-lick-a-rock, lick-a-lick-a-rock   
Suvi Anwars your wife   
When Tann acts like a fool and it’s really uncool   
You are Ryder   
When outcasts open fire, as they plot and conspire   
You’re our boss   
When you walk in the sand of an alien land as an outsider   
Scuzza me, but you see, back in our galaxy   
You are Ryder”

 

Peebee’s sides hurt from laughing so hard.  Now it was time to go big or go home. “Hey SAM, play Bohemian Rhapsody through the whole ship.”  

 

Freddie Mercury’s voice drifted through the ship. From engineering Gil belted out “Mama.  Just kissed a man. Put my lips against his head now I’m laying in his bed. Mama it was so much fun.  And now it’s safe to say that I am very gay.”

 

Cora, unable to bear hearing a human classic being desecrated, tried to drown him out “Mama, ooo   
Didn't mean to make you cry   
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow”   
  


Suvi joined in “Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters”

 

By the time “I see a little silhouetto of a man” came around, every single human crewmate was bellowing the lyrics at the top of their lungs, all apart from Gil who was singing his own version “Such a douche, such a douche is Director Tann ohhh.”

 

Lexi made a mental note to throttle Peebee as she started singing “Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go”

 

Vetra and Drack decided if you can’t beat them, join them and sang “So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye”

 

As the song ended Jaal was utterly bemused by what he had just seen and heard “That was most strange.”

 

Ryder gave him a hug “Surely by now you’d figured out humans can be a little odd.”

 

While Peebee had enjoyed the mass sing along, she was still peeved that she hadn’t managed to give Cora an earworm.  What the young Asari didn’t realise is that not all humans instantly get a song stuck in there head, sometimes it took a while to take a hold.  As Cora headed off to the galley Peebee heard her start to sing “Ag-a-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,   
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, kill Peebee!”


End file.
